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Are you trying to have sex with me?

22 Mar

Friday was the final to the Standard Bank Pro20 tournament, and thanks to @CobrasCricket, we got some tickets to the sold out show. Despite the local police blocking off roads without telling anyone etc, including stadium management, we got to the gates and went looking for our tickets.

The great thing about Africa, is that everything is an adventure. From the Serengeti, to the Okavango to standing in a queue. While I waited to collect tickets, my spidey senses told me that someone was in my space. Everyone has experienced that gentle weight of a buxom African woman’s wallet/breasts on their shoulders in a queue, but this was a little different.

This was a little lower. What I was feeling gently caressing my nether regions was a short guys crotch pencil. I turned to him and had the most stimulating conversation:

Me: Are you in a hurry?
CP (Crotch Pencil): What? Why? No.
Me: Then could you give me a little space?
CP: What? F**k. What the f**k? What’s your problem?
Me: You’re leaning against my butt.
CP: F**k you, what the f**k.
Me: That’s what I’m worried about. Are you trying to have sex with me?
CP: F**k, what’s with the f**king attitude? F**k man.
Me: I normally get dinner before getting this intimate with someone.
CP: F**…

Best. Beer. That. Night.


You get the gist. And in all this time, he never stepped back or moved or anything. Or buy me dinner. Luckily I eventually found the Mitchells Brewery little stand behind the Presidents Pavilion so I could calm myself and concentrate on balls of a different kind.

Eat In awards market at ‘The Mill’

22 Mar

While I am more of an Eat Out kinda guy, Eat In is a doing an excellent job of finding great ingredients for cooking at home with good ingredients. And convincing Eat Out guys to be Eat In types. You know the type. Blog posts when they cook, lots of pictures, funny aprons and bound to have made that joke “I use a lot of wine when I cook. Sometimes I even put it in the food.”

Did you see my croquette blog post?

Anyway, so when Eat In had a night market coinciding with their awards at The Mill, it was be there or be square. And most of the Foodie’s were there.

Cute right?

They had quite a turn out. Biggest problem was deciding which wine to drink. We went for the one with the biggest glass, Reyneke, as did everybody else. The queue was quite a wait, many people’s eyes growing, feet tapping, hands wringing as they waited. But it was worth it. Turns out the Chenin and Sauvignon Blanc were both excellent. And organic. Will definitely be seeking them out in future.

While I wouldn’t call this a “don’t miss” event, if you have been to the Saturday Market, it is likely to just get better and better.

Oh, and I bought a really cool apron.

Hey Vodacom. Stop spending money on adverts and buy more iPhone 4s!

3 Feb

This is my need. Fill it. I give you money.

So we have a new staff member. Who wants an iPhone 4. Duh. So what I need is a cellphone network that can give me an iPhone 4. That is my need that I want fulfilled, in marketing speak.

So who do I call? Is it the network who used to sponsor The Stormers? Or the network who plastered an entire building with Ayoba at the top of Long Street? Or the network that has never had sex? (Not the Bieber network.) Or is it the network who hired a comedian to complain about their network, who then apologised, who then appointed him CEO, who then made claims of a 4Gs network, who then…

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How to get from Orange street to Hans Strijdom street. On New Years Eve.

6 Jan

I know it’s not New Years Day right now. But I just got home. I left Societi Bistro at 11pm on 31st December.

A simple 72 step plan...

Due to reasons inexplicable, Cape Town Metro made a few changes to the road layout in Cape Town CBD last night. I mean New Years Eve. And not obvious moves, like cordon off Long street where all the action is, but weird ones like block Bree street by the Fan Walk. Where no one was. So I took another route. Let me detail it for you: Continue reading

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